future lover

ph: Erica Lea

dear future lover,

you will be the first one to wake up beside me. you will be the first one to feel my foot rub against yours in the middle of the night. you will be the first one around whom I will feel completely vulnerable, and probably a little awkward. you will be the first one with whom I share all my feelings – that's what I'll say. I'll say that you know me better than anyone else, but I'm sure that I'm going to keep some stuff inside. that's what I do. and you'll probably be frustrated with me because of that. I will act different and strange, and you'll want to know what's going on, but I won't tell you. and it's not your fault – I want you to know that right now.

I want you to know that I love you. I wouldn't be writing this letter if I didn't love you. I love you more than anything and anyone, and no one will ever change that.

you should know, though, that you are not the only person I have loved. you will not be the first one to hold my hand, and you will not be the first one to kiss me. you will not be the first one whom I have stayed up nights thinking about. you will not be the first one whose calls I have waited for, and whose silence I have lamented. you will not be the first one I have cried about, nor will you be the first one to bring an instant smile to my face.

and, believe it or not, this will not be the first love letter I have written. this will not be as special for me as it is for you. but what makes it different is that, even though you will not be the first person I have loved, you will be the first person who will love me back. I have had friends, best friends, crushes, and a number of other relationships with equally vague names, but you will be my first lover. I think that's special. and even though you will not be the first person I have loved, I love you.

more than anyone and anything else, I love you. I love you so much, more than you will ever believe, and I can't wait to meet you.

-your future lover