i still have some hopes

ph: unknown

RZ,

I just can't let go, because today I still need you, I still miss you. And I wonder how I can still miss you, it´s been 3 months since the last time I saw you, 6 weeks since the last time we talked in FB, 2 weeks since the last time I heard your voice and 10 days since the last time I saw you passing through. I guess there´s the answer, in all this time I just haven’t stopped myself from thinking about you, but the thing is that I don't want to. I don’t want to leave you back, I don’t want to keep our story in the past, between all the other memories I don't mean to treasure. With you everything was different, it was all beautiful. And even though these months I've only suffered with your absence I would not have done anything different, every moment spent with you was worth it. You words is the thing I miss the most, how you talked to me, and you always let me know how much you loved me, I even remember that time we started fighting over who love who more, and I asked you, why did you think you loved me more, and you just answered "cause you love him too"… wow, you left me speechless, I didn’t knew what to say in that moment, really.

We did it all wrong, I loved you when I loved someone else too and you loved me when you weren't supposed to. And still I don’t regret a thing, every moment spent with you was worth it, worth the suffering I've been through this past months. Though there is one thing I still don't get, why did you leave? Because I KNOW you did love me, I know those kisses, those hugs, were real. The way you looked at me, I know you don’t look at anyone else the same way, with those beautiful eyes, telling me that you cared for me. I know that you wouldn't have given to anyone your heart, and you gave it to me, without doubting it.

And even though I know all those things, there are times I still question them, because you left, taking my heart with you. You left without caring how I felt, and thinking how just saying “Stop loving me, I´m not the guy for you” would solve everything. Today, it still hasn’t solved anything.

Every day I think of you, I go back to those days I saw love in your eyes, now I just see a stranger. A stranger I don’t want to get to know. I want to say goodbye, I want to stop thinking about you.

And the worst part is that even though I want to leave you behind, I still have some hopes, that one day we will meet again, and this time, we will have our love story.

- C