I Love You

Define love. The sincerity of the phrase is strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you. Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it's genuine love that you feel for this person.

Feel it. There will come a point when you know what you feel for your boyfriend or girlfriend had moved from friendship, to like, through infatuation, and into romantic love. When you're sure you've crossed that threshold, that's the time to express your feelings. If you say it because you think you should, or because it's expected—and you're not there yet—it will come across as insincere.

Make eye contact. Making eye contact not only shows sincerity and communicates trust, it's a delight to look into your partner's eyes when you first say "I love you." It will be a moment you will both always remember. Even though there are probably a few inches between your faces, it should feel like there is nothing between yourselves, not even air.

Say it at an appropriate time. Time the statement in a way that will make both you and the recipient most comfortable, If you're in a private place and there's not much background noise, keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to his or her ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love.

If you want to tell your partner how you feel when you're in a public place, it's up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.

Say it without expecting anything in return. It is nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love them if you're going to wait anxiously for their response. If you truly feel it, then say it with no expectations of a response. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. So say what you feel, and if they love you, too, they'll let you know in their own way and in their own time.

Be creative. Say "I love you" in another language. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on the bedroom floor. Write it in code, like a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.

Back up your words. Don't just say it, show them that you really do love them. Saying "I love you" without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words.

When we’d fight and it was my fault, I’d try and soothe the wounds by saying, “I love you.” It’s a cheap trick, isn’t it? To use “I love you” to put a Band-aid on your anger? But often, I was so desperate to fix what was wrong it was the only thing I could think of to say. More eloquent words would not come out of my mouth. I needed not to lose you. I felt like all I had was that I loved you. But you’d call me out. I said, “I love you, come on.” You shot back at me, “I love you. I love you. What does that even mean to you? What does that mean?”

I felt terrible. I mean it when I am saying it. In the simplest way, “I love you.” I feel love for you. I am filled to the brim, overwhelmed, overflowing with how much I love you. I can’t express it any more than that in the moment. I need you to understand, to know. I would never say it if I didn’t feel it. But I understand why you’re left wondering. I understand that it seems empty. So I’m going to try and tell you what it means.

I love you means I want to be with you. If I could choose to see anyone, it would be you. I want to be sweet with you. I want to kiss your nose and text you that I hope your day is going well. I want to cook for you and ease your stress. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want manufactured drama. I don’t want resentment.

I want us to share everything. I want to crawl inside your skin and be one person. I am so overcome with how much you mean to me, with how much I adore you, with how much I feel toward you that I am actually at a loss for how to behave. I love you means I have nothing else. I could write poems and sonnets and blog posts about you all day and it would still not feel like enough to let you know how scared I am by how I feel about you. I love you means I’m terrified and hopeful and terrified about letting myself be hopeful.

I love you means I smile when I think about you. I do nice things for you without being asked. I want you to be happy more than I want the sun to rise in the morning. I want to kiss every inch of your face. I want to burrow under your covers with you and hug each other until neither of us are ever lonely again. I want to smell your T-shirt. I want to feel your hair.

I love you means I don’t want you to be sad, but I also want you to feel free to have whatever emotions you’re having. I want you to feel like you can be vulnerable and I will hold all the pieces very delicately and I will kiss them all as I put you back together. I want you to trust me. I want you to know that I never want to hurt you. I want to never be the reason you’re upset. I want you by my side, as my partner. I want to do mundane things with you like take out the trash and put away the dishes. I don’t want to keep secrets.

I love you means I understand that you are flawed and that I am too. It means I don’t want to be selfish. I want all the simple things with you — and the hard things, and I want us to survive them and I don’t want to walk away. I love you means I want to earn this. I love you means I want to be let in and to let you in. I love you means I am so close to destroying this because that is all I know how to work with. I love you means I want to put in the work with you, because I think you’re special and I think you’re worth it.

I love you means I want to sleep beside you and press myself against your back. I love you means I want to talk to you about everything and know everything about you. I want you to share what you’re thinking and I want you to feel safe doing that. I love you means I want us to be kind to each other, to want to be kind.

When I say, I love you, I’m not avoid intimacy or “cheating.” I am showing you my cards. I know who you are. I am not blind. I am not naive. You do not disappoint me. If I saw through the cracks, I would not run away. It means we will never be perfect and I accept that because I want everything about you that you’ve shown me so far. I love you means I want to consider you. I want to factor you into my plans. I want to know you see this as lasting too, maybe, and maybe that’s what really trips us up, right? In a good way though.

There is a reason the loss of love hurts so much. When someone has left us in a puddle of grief and desperation, or we have left someone with a cheery 'ta-ta!' and no backward glance, it creates a chemical imbalance in the brain. It doesn't just affect the brain either; intense emotional distress taps into the same neural pathways as physical pain. For a heartache, it may be helpful to take two aspirin. It may or may not help, but at least it will head off that hangover when you decide to drink your heartache into oblivion. This actually works best for men, and is only a short-term solution, so don't get too excited.

The physical ramifications of a broken heart are very real. They can leave scars on the psyche as real as any gained through an accident. The wounds linger for years, whereas the pain from physical wounds are usually forgotten. If they weren't, no doubt most children born would remain only children.

There is actually a name for the condition of longing for a love object. It is called 'limerence', according to an article in the August 2011 issue of Marie Claire. Whether your affection is returned or not, nothing can satiate the longing for emotional reciprocation.

The beginning of a relationship is the 'honeymoon', when both parties are smitten, and a volatile mix of chemicals are coursing through their veins, making sure they bond, fall in love, and continue the human race. If it seems good to stay together, this period wears off in about six months, and hormones balance out. For those stuck in the limerence stage, there are heart palpitations, shortness of breath, loss of sleep, and an aching in the chest or abdomen. So, you are either having a panic attack, catching the flu, or you are obsessed. Generally, a person will fixate on someone for three to five years, and then transfer their affections to someone else.

“I love you.”

It’s a sentence most of us have probably used at one time or another, though we probably don’t want elaborate on the context we’ve used it in.

But hey, what’s wrong with love?

Love is one of the central human emotions. We all experience love for someone or something, to varying degrees, at one time or another. Most of the time, when we think of love, it brings a warm, fuzzy, and sometimes naughty feeling – the type that makes us feel that nothing in the world matters, with the exception of our beloved.

We are often hushed up and reluctant to discuss love with anyone, except for maybe our close friends. But if we think about it, love isn’t something bad. In fact, it too is a blessing of Allah. Think: if there was no love in the world, every single person would fight everyone else. There would be no peace and happiness. The world would be a terrible place without love.