what do I do now

ph: David Bellemere

"I'm from South America, he is from Europe and we both went to Sweden as exchange students. There is where we met. We knew it from the beginning that it wouldn't be easy. We knew that we should go back home in June 2012 but we didn't care. I remember the first time we talk on facebook. Was a Saturday night in November. We were talking and talking until we realised that was 6 in the morning. "Where did the time go? And how did it go so fast?" He asked. After that, we spoke every day and one week after, we had our first date. He lived in another town, not that far, like 30 minutes by train so I was waiting him in the train station when I got an sms. "I'm here". And I don't know why, but I had a heart attack. "That might mean something" I thought. That first date was enough to realise that we were for each other.

We met every weekend after that. Was hard to meet on week days because of the distance. But every time we saw each other I was more and more convinced about how much I liked him. And after a month we start to dream together. We had huge dreams. We were hoping for stuff that only happens in movies, or in someone who has a lucky life. "I would go to live in Argentina with you" he said. "Or I could go to Holland" I replied. He is a dreamer, and so I'm. And we promised to fight for our dreams or achieve what we really want.

Certainly, we had so much things in common. We both share a passion to travel, and we both get bored easily. But he is always thinking further, and he used to change his mind from the morning to the night. And I should have realise that. Anyway we all know that love is blind.

Less than one month ago, everything started to change. All of a sudden, he was being really cold with me. And he wanted to leave Sweden so he started to look for works back home or in another countries. Last Thursday he found a work in Italy. So first: We broke up, and second: he is leaving Sweden in 2 weeks.

Since that, I can't stop to think in the message he wrote me on facebook this last 1rst of January:

"I just wanted to say ur the most special girl i ever met and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen; I want to be with you for ever and more, and i will do anything to make u happy. You are what I've been looking for all my life, and i can say honestly that i love you. We were meant to be together one some twisted way, and i respect destiny. I will do anything as i said. You are all i want, you are the reason i am in this world. Fuck everything, I will be with you. The way might be unknown and hard, but i will give all. I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. Please forgive my mistakes, and give me the chance to be your world. I love you."

And I can't stop wondering where all those words and feelings have gone.

We went through a lot of things in only 4 months. Things that I could talk about infinite hours, and even tough I don't want him to leave, I can't ask him to stay, because it will be really selfish, cause I know he is not having a good time here at all. But it hurts.

I guess the only thing I can do now is to think that perhaps, in a future, in a couple of years, if we were really meant for each other, somehow life will drive us together again.

But now, what do I do now?