ph: Picshut Photography + weheartit

ph: Citati

I didn't even recognize him at first glance, a grey scarf covered most of his face, his blue eyes was the part of him I could see. I sat down beside him on the seat, picking up a quite boring book from my bag.

I think it took me 10 seconds for me to realize it was Him. Ten inches away sat the person I had spent two years dreaming and crying endless nights for. Ten inches away.

His hair was uglier than last I saw him, much greasier; guess he uses hair wax nowadays. At the station before where he really lives, he got out of his seat, hurried to the door and ran out to the platform. Like a scared rabbit. Just like old times when he didn't tell me he was afraid of a serious relationship. He just ran away. Like a frightened rabbit.

ph: Debbie Cho + wehearit

ph: Anja Mulder

What do you do about first loves? Where do you put them in your heart? Where do you put them in your mind? He will always be a scar like the one from summer camp permanently tarnishing my unblemished skin. Scars are ugly. They are the remnants of a painful, bloody mess. Physical and emotional wounds result in the same consequences. Just because this scar is on my heart and not on my skin doesn’t mean there’s any less of a story or significance. Actually, this invisible wound has a much darker, dismal, severe story to tell. It is far more painful than actual gushing blood and spilling guts resulting from adolescent clumsiness. I hardly ever notice the scar on my leg; I only remember it is there when someone asks about how I got such a gash. I wish I could do that with my heart. Only, no one would observe this internal mark, so it would never be brought up again. I think my mentality about this scar is flawed. I must think about it like my leg. The event happened; it hurt badly; I cried; but it has not affected me in any way ever since the stitches came out and the skin molded itself back together. It’s just there. Nothing more; nothing less. He will always be there to some extent. He co-piloted my youth, so undoubtedly, when I reminisce on those days, he will be in those recollections. But he will just be there. Nothing more; nothing less.

My heart has somehow managed to repair itself; the pieces I’ve haphazardly stitched together over the past year have somehow managed to mend. The blood once escaping profusely, depriving me of life and exuberance, is now coagulating. My heart has a beat. But it isn’t the same heart I had before this debacle. It has his name permanently engraved there. Like lost lovers’ names on an old tree. But, the tree still thrives regardless of the deep cuts into its flesh; its foliage is green and lush. This must signify that I can still flourish, despite his mark on my heart.

ph: imgfave | kittytenma

ph: weheartit

Well first of all, I just want to say that I really like you even though I dont know you that well. I hate how I have to scrutinize every single detail on your facebook just to get the teeniest amount of assumptions and false hopes about you. I hate how I can spend hours on your page reviewing over the same comments that you have written, or listening to every music video that you post and reading over the history of every single artists that you claim to "like" on facebook just to squeeze the last ounce of virtual information that I can get out of you. I hate how I've scrolled down to the first ever post that you made on facebook, circa 2007. I hate how every time I'm on facebook, my fingers automatically start typing the first letter of your name. It's kind of creepy that facebook saves and remembers the names that you input into your search engine, and I hate how the first name that pops up out of all the the people i know whose names start with an E, is yours. I hate how when I see that you posted something 8 minutes ago, I quickly check my chat and see if you're on because I embarrassingly hope that one day you'll strike up a conversation despite the fact that I know you never will. I hate how it was the hardest thing for me to "like" one of your statuses because I was afraid that you would "read" my like the wrong way or interpret it in ways that I wouldn't want you to... ITS A FUCKING LIKE .. WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I hate knowing everything about, even your past. I know so much about you I feel like such a fucking creep. I've been on your dad's facebook. yeah, I went there. And I found pictures of you when you were pre-pubescent. You're cute. I hate how facebook is the only thing that I can judge you on, it is really fucking pathetic. I hate thinking about you and dreaming what life would be like if you knew everything about me, or if we could have one deep, meaningful conversation together- not those 3 second "hey, whats up" at the libraries, or the same exact conversations that always end up with the our intended majors and the ratings of our current classes and professors that we are taking. I hate knowing that you are probably not thinking of me or probably having a blast at one of the shows that you are "attending" according to facebook. I hate how I picture myself with you but have this shameful implication that you are too cool for me based on the people you hang out with or the music you listen to. I mostly hate that I dont know you, I dont know you at all and my mind is flowing with these false hopes, stupid assumptions, and ridiculous imaginations about your life. But I will always remember our first encounter at the train, I know that you smiled and were nice enough to wave back. And the next day, when I introduced myself, you seemed like an interesting, genuine boy. And then the other few times at the library when I saw you and we had a short talk only because I did not want to be rude having my friend wait for me right when my knees started getting weak, as I drowned in your baby blue eyes. But I will NEVER EVER forget the time I lost track of time and missed half my class because we talked about random shit, shit that doesnt even matter, and I enjoyed every minute of it, and honestly I know you did too. I found out that you had family in LA, where I live, that you dont drive, like me, that you tested out of a required freshman English class because you're so god damn smart. However, the moment you said my name while attempting to tease me with a rhetorical question, my heart literally skipped 5 beats, and I tried my hardest to keep myself from smiling. Sometimes I just wonder if you ever feel the same. If I ever cross your mind, just even for a second. I hate not knowing, but I guess that's what makes this feeling so intriguing. Maybe if I or you had the actual balls to do something about anything, we can be something. But, maybe this is just me again getting lost in my pathetic thoughts. What if you're not even half the person I thought you are, or if all this gathered info from your facebook is not an accurate description of who you actually are. Whatever, I will leave it to the talks that we've had, the looks that we've given each other, and the sincerity in our conversations. I guess ignorance really is bliss, and I will just have to find out for myself.

ph: 9gag

ph: Elisa N.

i really think you should know,
that of course i would choose you, always,
even though I love the other ones so, so much.
but I must protect my heart or it will never dare to love again.

because even though I love you and would do just about everything for you
you don't even love or respect me as much as to say that we're going to be friends when school's over.
and you will only hurt me even more than now.
but if I choose you every time
I won't have my other beautiful friends next to me when you break me
- once again and even more than you have already done.

don't you see?
I must take care of my heart,
take care of my friends
and sure, you're a friend who'll probably always be in my heart
but you don't deserve it.
you really don't. I would've liked you to though, because (I'll say it once more just because finally now I can admit it's true) I love you.
But I have to take care of the ones who really deserve my love.

and this hurts.
because for some weird reason I would like to choose you.
every time.

ph: Love Sugar Design

ph: weheartit

They all knew before we knew.

They saw us sitting together at a sports center, cracking rude jokes and rocking back on our haunches when we laughed. I would cover my mouth; he would clap and stamp his gleeful feet on the dirty floor. They saw us the next day, sweating in the desert heat and lazing around by the hotel pool. We talked of travel, of home and of family while people buzzed around us; we shared in-jokes and drinks from the bar. They saw us leave together, heading back to hotel for more wine and to change. Then, with livers brimming and eyes wandering, they watched us lose each other in the crowd. I've felt lost ever since.

It's been one month today since we were last face-to-face, but mere minutes since we last spoke. My life has become a mess of technology - text, email, IM, Skype and phone calls - anything to get me closer to this person that I find so funny, so alluring, so attractive and so heart-warming. I write him postcards, send care packages, email photos, text "goodnight". He writes me prose, sends me music, emails photos, texts "goodnight". I tell him about my pillow shield, shaped like his protective arm as I rest my head on his chest. His set up is quite similar - a pillow yin to my yang. Every story, every laugh, every quip and every reference brings me one step closer to knowing a person who is more in tune with me than I ever thought possible. We talk of being misunderstood by our peers, stave off tears and plan the years we will have together; there will be many. We giggle and hide behind our hands as we agree that Shakespeare was onto something with all of that yearning stuff. We buy lottery tickets and save for plane tickets. We laugh. We love.

Every morning I awake, torn by bitter-sweet thoughts - I am one step closer to spending summer with my love, but am spending another September day freezing in this chill without him. I yearn for that warm summer day when I travel to the airport, windows down, pedal to the floor and stereo loud. My head plays the moment when he emerges from the arrival gate over, and over, and over again. I can already feel his arms around me.

Each day, I feel my chest tighten and my heart swell. Shatter. Repair. Repeat. I stare at the calendar and wish on 11.11 and think, think, think. I wonder what would have happened had we spent more time lazing by that sun-scorched Vegas pool, ignoring the others and keeping our eyes on each other. But I have to move on and think of our future together - years peppered with travel, laughs and gleeful feet, and a bond that ignorance, time and geography will not break.

H.

ph: That's My Word

ph: Alex Grazioli

Why? This is a word I have sent out into the cosmic void in the past year since I met you. I lived differently then. I lived happily, my life was beautiful and divine and complete. I did not know loneliness. I never cried, I never felt sad. I loved my husband only. I only had thoughts of him. Then I met you.

If I would have known that I would fall so deeply in love with you I would have never interviewed you for the job. I am 14 years older than you and I’m your boss. This is never going to work, that is crystal clear and deeply painful.

You asked me why you never see me at work. Really? You don’t get that I avoid you deliberately? I wanted to scream at you: “ Do you know what it’s like to want someone who is so close and not be able to touch them. Not be able to kiss them, not be able to make love to them when every inch of your being desires nothing more?” When I was younger I waited for a man like you. Strong and unafraid. Now I am just heartbroken and confused. Why did this happen? Where have you been?

So, please, don’t stand so close to me and try to avoid me. It’s just easier that way. Unless it’s about work and your immediate supervisor can’t help you, don’t speak to me. Running into you on Friday was so hard and unexpected. I trying to be cool and business like, but I saw it. I saw the look in your eye when we were talking, it was but for a moment but the look said, I feel it too. My heart leapt. I just walked away saying to myself: It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

I wish for so many things, but never that I would not have met you. You are beautiful and funny and great; but you’re 14 years too late.

Nina

ph: weheartit + unknown

ph: leah goetzel

I've never kissed him. Ever. And that's the kind of punishment I deserve or being afraid. Oh if only knew how many times I've imagined that kiss.

We were so perfect together, I know. It's just the distance that separated us. The distance and us not being prepared for this. I've never wanted that kind of relationship..a long distance relationship. But we had it for a few months. Now... it's just pieces of our broken hearts and ashes. I'm doing my best to move on, but I don't know how to do this. How am I supposed to be strong and self-supportive, when I'm dying on the inside?

How am I supposed to get over it when I feel him dying on the inside every time I hear his voice on the phone?

And I tried.. I tried so damn hard not to answer his phone calls, not to pay that much attention to his text messages. Not to let this break-up tear me apart. But I can't.

If he only knew how much I want to kiss him.

Emma

ph: weheartit

Darling, if time can go back elsewhere,
Like a smile during winter snow,
I'd be there all the time with you,
Love and kisses written once more,
Please remember this,
A song in the middle of the night,
Beneath the dance of fire flies,
Your heart within the moonlight,
Darling, please don't leave me,
A silence in the ice that frozen,
Where the soul of dreams deserve more,
And here I am waiting for you, once again.

Darling, ...
Please don't leave me

ph: weheartit

I continuously write and delete this email.
2 days
48 hours
Who knew that those 48 hours would still be with me almost a year later. I went on a family vacation. The trip was drawing to a close and i was thinking that this trip was really lame until my third last night. We went to a show. He sat in front of me. He would look back and I would smile. Nothing all that big.

Then the next day I saw him again at the beach. Once again he would look back and i would smile, wishing I had the courage to say something more than just the hey response to his hey.

Finally I did, and I will forever be grateful that I did. He was sitting and I went over to talk to him. If I could go back to any moment in my life it would be that. We laughed and talked for hours. I never laughed like that in my life or felt that way about anyone ever.

At night a me him and a group of other people we met were sitting by the ledge laughing. I can't explain how I felt.When I had to go back up to my room he was all i could think about.

The next day I was anxious to find him I wanted to talk to him some more. And we did. This may sound like just a simple story but it will stay with me forever. It was almost time for me to leave when we all started swimming in the rain. Finally when I had to go he picked me up and hugged me. I was walking away when I turned around and see him waving and blowing me a kiss.

That moment held the most genuine smile ever.

I still think about him sometimes. Wondering if he thinks about me. But I doubt it. If this experience taught me anything it's that- take a risk and it could be worth it.

-just a girl

ph: weheartit + unknown

ph: Hannah Davis

We speak every once in a while. Every two weeks or so I can expect a call from you, and its usually two or three weeks to the day that we last spoke. I'm not sure if that reflects on the kind of relationship we have. I would like to say the calls are always the same, but they're not. You've gradually become more affectionate and open, as where I want no part in that. I want it to stop, and more so need it to stop.

You ask if I still love you, if I think of you every day, if I'm seeing anyone, if I'm coming to visit and so on and so forth.

We met very randomly and instantly started up something. At first I had no interest, and you made it very clear that you did. I wanted to remain friends, but that changed pretty quick and I'm not sure how. It's safe to say you grew on me (that's an understatement).

I knew you weren't going to be here forever, or even close. I knew you were going to move back, and sooner than I thought and what you led me on to believe.
We were just friends, and then we had a fling, and then we were together, and then I got scared and we broke up, then we had a fling, and then we got back together, and then we fought, then broke up and then were together again without the actual label.

After a few months you somehow convince me to allow you into my home, I felt an instant regret when I said yes. Not because I didn't want to be able to wake up next to you every morning but because I knew how this was going to turn out. The most passionate and intense two months I have ever had and then just like that, it was swept from underneath me. Within two weeks you had bought a plane ticket and you were gone.

We never had the "talk" before you left. It was never clear what we were this time around. But it sure seemed exclusive before you got on that plane. Within the first two weeks of you being back in your home country I could feel you pulling away, and when I asked, your response would either be 1. I miss you so much or 2. Your constant partying with your friends makes me question this.

Then within a month of being a part of each other we were done. You decided that one morning after my night out with my girlfriends you were going to end it. And that you did. You said its best that we be just friends because this relationship is just going to end up hurting both of us. From then on you didn't speak to me for 2 months.

I don't think you understand, or ever will for that matter, what I went through in those 3 months. Losing someone your in love with to another continent, and that someone also happens to be your best friend, and then within a month of losing them, they drop you like a hot potato? I had no explanation for what happened, I couldn't really piece this puzzle together. How can someone I thought I knew so well just forget about me so quick? Was there someone else? Did he just fall out of love? Or was it actually because he was scared of getting hurt?

I don't think I'll truly know the answer, because the longer I know this person, the more skeletons I find in his closet and come to realize that I don't believe half the shit that he says. I've come to know him better as a person now that we're not together through how he treated me during this really painful experience and truths I've found out about him, than when we were together.

In my eyes, he is not the same person I met over a year ago, nor is he the same person I fell in love with. When I speak to him and see him (skype) I still see the same person, but I feel like I'm speaking to a stranger.

The one thing ( I don't want to call it a lesson) I was able to take from this: I'm an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, genuine, loving, kind-hearted woman, and although I definitely had my share of mistakes in this relationship, I did not deserve the abandonment and pain that could of been prevented with a little honestly and sensitivity on his behalf.

I don't think things with us will ever start up again, but I do believe that there is hope for friendship.

-Anonymous

ph: weheartit | 29.media